The Trojan War was started when Eris was snubbed by Hermes and not allowed into some Olympian shindig, so she offered a golden apple “to the fairest”. Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite all claimed to be “the fairest” and rather than have the most awesome cat-fight of all time the gods decided to have a beauty contest. They got this prince of Troy named Paris to judge it, and Aphrodite bribed him with the most beautiful woman in the world, a Greek princess named Helen. The Greeks objected, and there was nothing for it but to wage terrible war for nine years and raze Troy to the ground.
If Athena had been so bleeding wise, she would have sold tickets to Olympian Mud Wrestling between Aphrodite and Hera instead, and the topless towers of Troy wouldn’t have toppled.
- ▼ 2011 (10)